'I'm sick and tired of hiding the mess I am. Nobody wants me. And I don't want me either. I didn't lose a friend. I just realized I never had one. Sometimes I wish I could delete people. 

I'm broken.

But if I start crying about one thing, I end up crying about everything that's wrong. 

So I just keep moving forward. I keep saying 'I understand' although I mean: 'My heart just got ripped into a million pieces but I won't tell you because you wouldn't care how I feel anyway'.

I still keep hiding who I am and what I feel. I keep pretending not to notice that most people out there just don't like me. I keep being friendly. I keep playing the dumb naive girl who doesn't get that she's hated by everybody. 

It's okay.

I can do that.

But I won't stop. I won't let all these people win. I won't fall without getting up again. I will always fight. I'll never stop. No matter what I have to do, I will fight until I reach my dreams. Nobody can stop me from doing that. You can do to me whatever you want to but if you put obstacles in my way I#m gonna take them and throw them in your face. I won't let anybody stop me. I will fall but I will get up. I will do anything. I will fight!

It's gonna be hard, but hard is not impossible.'

Today was kind of hard for me. I don't know, I'm not really sure what happened actually but I felt very bad suddenly. I wasn't content with what I did at school today. Not because it was that bad but because I'm just overambitious. This was making me sad but it wasn't that horrible for me. But in some moment, I just realised that there's no one really caring for me. I don't have any real friends. For them, I'm just somebody. Of course, nice, but not nice enough. Funny, but not funny enough. Special but definitely not special enough. I'm sick of being the girl who's just never enough.

I'm afraid it will always be like that - at university, as teacher at school later. Wherever I am I'm just the strange girl. I'm not important. I don't intent to be important to everybody. I just want to be important to somebody. And most of all I want to be accepted. I don't intent to be friends with everybody. But why can't they be at least friendly to me? I don't need anything else. I mean, I'm friendly. Yes, I might be a bit crazy but not that crazy and I really am friendly to everybody. I don't understand that. 

Why are some things so unfair`?

Whatever, I think I just gotta keep moving forward. I want to move on. Falling is no shame. Staying on the ground is. And I won't. I'll always fight even though sometimes it doesn't seem to make any sense. However, 

See ya!

May ♥